Kharma, what did I do to deserve this?! ...Oh, now I remember. Carry on then.

Dear Mother at the Playgroup wearing skinny jeans, heels & a push-up bra; Exactly who are you trying to impress?! Sincerely; Impressed.

I just spent 30 minutes entering ridiculous symptoms into WebMD and it diagnosed me as having no life and being immature.

I don't want to sound like I'm bragging or anything, but this is the fifth end of the world I've survived.

When you get to be older, "friends with benefits" just means your partner has a solid 401k and a kick ass dental plan.

My therapist says I have an obsession with revenge. We'll just see about that!!!

I just ate from an unmarked tupperware container at the back of the fridge. I think it was chicken yogurt.

There are two kinds of honest people in the world: 1) Small children 2) Drunk people.